If you’re reading this blog post, then it’s probably safe to say you just had a baby or you’re going to be in the near future. ***Full Disclaimer: I’m by no means a doctor or have any background in medicine, other than I’ve popped out 2 healthy babies. This is all from my own experience. Always consult with a medical professional.***

What I’m focusing on today, is what to expect after that baby comes out – what’s up with your body (assuming you delivered through your hoo ha). Pretty much what majority of people aren’t telling you or don’t want to tell you.

• Uterus. Staying at the hospital was nice because there was around the clock care, however, after having a baby, all you want to do is sleep – Not going to happen. The Labor & Delivery Nurse will be in your room about every 2 hours or so to make sure you’re up and nursing/feeding your baby. What they’re also going to be doing is massaging (more like pushing down on) your belly to make sure all the blood clots are breaking up. This hurts like a bitch! I really had to bite down and take it like a champ. I just kept thinking to myself “this is going to shrink my belly, lol.” FYI – it doesn’t. Nine months in… nine (or more) months out…
• Boobs. If you’re going to be breastfeeding, then this is going to hurt like a mother effer! If you don’t get the hang of it right away, don’t be shy to ask the nurse for a lactation consultant. Who cares if they see your boobs. You’ve already shown the world your whole naked body. Shops open now, folks. Jkjkjkjk. All kidding aside, just about every time you nurse, you’re going to have to take some deep breaths (lamaze like), because your uterus is still contracting down, your nipples are going to feel like theres pins and needles pricking you, and your toes are totally going to curl! This will be painful for about 3 weeks, then it subsides, and all we be great. This is probably a good time to buy your nursing bras as well because your boobs are probably the size they’re going to be for a while.
• Vagina. So after you have your baby, you’re going to be bleeding a ton. When I say a ton, I mean a TON and for about a MONTH! Babies have diapers for their pee and poop, we have diapers for our month long period. The hospital sent me home with a good supply of mesh panties, squirt bottle, and spray to take the sting away. You can’t use tampons for about 6 weeks or so, so you’ll need to buy some heavy duty pads, or someone had mentioned Depends, after your supply runs out. You’re not supposed to wipe either, so that’s where the squirt bottle comes in. The spray is so you can go with a little bit of ease. If you tear during labor, you’re going to have to do some extra care around your woman business down there. I didn’t tear, so I don’t know what the extras are.
• Butthole. That’s right – the long awaited first poop. I don’t know what I was more afraid of – delivery or poop? Thank goodness I didn’t tear because that first poop would probably hurt even more. If you feel it coming on, grab that spray, and I suggest surrounding yourself with some calming stuff in the bathroom. Heck! I’d grab the baby daddy and have him rub your back (gross I know)…. That lamaze breathing comes in handy here too. Once you get that out, you’re pretty much golden.

I think that pretty much covers it. Although some of this may sound terrifying, giving birth is one of the most wonderful things. I’m not trying to scare you off, but these were things I wish I would’ve known to prepare myself a little better. What are some of the advice or stories you were given?